Little baby girl is moving so much now and it is amazing to feel her in there kicking and whatever else she is doing all day. I chat and sing to her all day and its pretty cool. I really can’t wait to do it in person, just to see her little face and hold her tiny body, what an amazing thing to look forward to. We almost have the nursery done and I will for sure do a nursery reveal at some point in the next month, unless she comes early (crossing my fingers).

Now getting to the goods; this photoshoot. I was asked by Emily Wilson to model for some maternity pics she wanted to do for Promptly Journal, and I hopped right on it. I was able to wear a couple dresses from the new shop Posey and Pence, and although they aren’t maternity specific, they worked great for me and I am excited to wear them afterward too. We went to a tiny little studio and she shot everything in film. I love film photography! I used to do it about eight years ago with my vintage Pentax camera but now I can’t remember a thing sadly. She is so talented and I love how they turned out. Working with different photographers and companies is what makes collaborations so much fun.

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Well, you might recall my last pregnancy rant about how hard being pregnant was emotionally for me and how much I hated it even though I knew it was a great blessing to even get pregnant. Now that I am in my second trimester it has been a world of difference in literally every way.

To begin, I can’t believe I am already 23 weeks pregnant! It has been quite a jorney these last 6.5 months. During the first trimester I cried about three times a week, and had body image depression (if that’s a thing), now I am so happy to be pregnant. I haven’t felt as emotional as before and now that I actually have a bump and can feel my little nugget, being pregnant has been a joy. It’s kind of hard for me to say that after I complained so much but thats just life, it changes on a dime and you’ve got to just go with the flow.

Not being nausious has been amazing!! I didn’t have it as bad as most women since I never threw up, but being nausious all day can be laaaaaame, so it is a huge relief. Everytime I feel my little baby girl kick I get so happy, I have long coversations with her and pretend she is into the same things as me, since we hang out all day.

Overall, I just wanted to say how grateful I am that I get to be pregnant with a sweet little girl that will forever bless our family. I have been trying to make little videos of things I want to tell her so she can watch them later and hopefully appreciate the effort it takes to come to earth. Life is so good, even if it is a rollercoaster, the comforting thing is that it always works out in the end. Cross your fingers for me that my third trimester can be as dreamy as this one

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Why do I feel fat and ugly? Oops, did I really just say that out loud. Yep, I sure did, cause that is literally how I feel everyday. Its hard to look in the mirror and see your body turn into a weird shape and even harder to get on the scale and see a number you have never seen before. Yes I know mothers are beautiful and special because of the tiny miracle growing inside them given as a gift from God, but if I must be honest (which you can see by the title of my blog post that I already am), most women don’t look like the 2, 25 year old fashion bloggers out there that are tall, skinny and tan, and only grow a tiny bump in front. We actually look swolen, and pale and well, not quite ourselves to put it nicely. Did I know any of this, of course not, I didn’t really pay specific attention to pregnant women or notice who looked good and who looked bad, they were just pregnant to me but now that its my turn, its really hard. I cry, alot.

I have heard all of these women say how much they loved being pregnant and for a while I just thought I was crazy or maybe they were. And maybe they never talk about the hard things that come with being pregnant because there are so many good things that come with it too. There truly is nothing like taking the pregnancy test and FINALLY being pregnant after so many prayers and trying for so long and even better is when you get to go to the doctor and see your little one kicking around in there. With things like that so few and far between at the begininning, sometimes it is hard to stay positive. I don’t want this to be a really negative post about the hard things but this is one hard thing that is REALLY hard for me personally, so I have written some solutions that are working for me and hopefully just as soon as I feel my baby really in there, I think it all won’t matter so much anymore.

First, I know a HUGE part of it is my hormones and another good sized part is that I don’t like feeling fat and ugly cause no one does right? But having crazy hormones is a real thing, being over emotional about strange things or even normal things and just reacting differently than I usually would is a hard thing to grasp but the best part is…its temporary! Hallelujah. It will all be over at some point and that gives me hope.

SHE MUST WORK OUT:

I have been trying to go to the gym alot more (three times a week maybe :)). It takes my mind off of being a frumpy lady and makes me feel like at least I am trying to help my body from getting out of control. Since everyones body is so different, the excerizes will vary but for me, I work on my legs and sides to make me feel a little better.

FOOOOD:

All I want to do is drink tons of water and eat all day long, (aside from sleeping of course). At first this was hard to get used to but now I have focused on eating healthy snacks like fruit leathers from Costco, low calorie crackers and instead of drinking soda or juice, I use the crystal light packets. I have been eating a ton of fruit and vegetables that also help me feel better mentally and physically. Meat has been one of those things I can’t really do during this pregnancy so I have replaced it for beans or other forms of protien that doesn’t make me gag. But I also have been eating my fair share of unhealthy foods as well, which I hear is typical and I think thats ok too. Just watching my portions and being more aware of what is a regular craving and what is something I just must have as my pregnant self.

HUSBANDS:

They are honestly the best thing ever, I couldn’t live without my husby and I see that more and more through this blessing and trial of mine. He has been there to tell me I am beautiful everytime I cry when I put on an outfit and it totally doesn’t fit and reassure me that I can do this, and that is isn’t easy but it is amazing and he is so happy I get to be the mother of his child…he is just the best. Don’t be afraid to lean on your partner when you are struggling, hopefully they will be patient and sensitive to your situation even if they don’t understand it.

BELIEVE:

I have to tell myself what I am doing is what I have always wanted to do, have a baby and have my own family. Body image for women is such a hard thing to work with, it’s a constant echo in your mind as you eat, get ready and look at other women around you on social media, tv and other social events.

I know that people may be confused as to why I am writing this about myself but I think it isn’t so much about my comparison to other women, its about knowing MY body, and seeing the changes for the good or for the bad that make someones body image fluctuate. I know I am not the only one who feels this way but I do know that every woman has mixed emotions about their changing bodies and that is ok.

I really hope that some of these little tips can help get you through until you are happily holding your little one and getting your body to a place that makes you comfortable mentally and physically.

Ciao,

Kirsten Kizerian

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