The first trimester was a breeze compared to most women I have heard. I was nauseous all the time but never had to throw up, just needed to eat constantly to not feel sick. My exaustion was insane! I didn’t know I could be a human sloth and stay awake to see it. haha ok that was dumb but these were things no one ever told me about. I didn’t know I would gag at every smell and thought that was remotely stinky or graphic and the crying…oh the crying. I would sob like my dog died for any old reason, or for no reason at all. I thought I was going crazy and it would literally take me out for the whole day if it started. My husband actually recorded a video of my crying on his phone because he thought it was so funny (ya hideous). I had a few migraines which were terrible but even with all of these things, it really wasn’t that bad cause I AM PREGNANT!

Some of the fun things that have been happening are my weird urges to deep clean. I hear this is called the nesting stage and it usually comes near the end but not for me. All of a sudden, week six and I am organizing closets and drawers and starting cleaning projects all over the house. Who doesn’t love when they want to clean, hallelujiah!

I also have been craving funny and healthy foods like smoothies and fruit. I am not a very big sweet person so I don’t eat a ton of fruit, mostly veggies and cheese and savory foods are more my jam but it has been calling my name…with a side of a bean burrito or hot dog (I know, so gross but sooooo good). Milk has also been a big one on my cravings list. I actually haven’t drank milk since High School but I have been drinking about a gallon a week, moo.

Obviously I knew NOTHING about being pregnant, really nothing.

Pregnant women never complained to me about symptoms other than nausea so I had no idea there were other things happening when you grow a tiny human in your body. I think the hardest thing aside from my body changing and well…looking not as sexy as before, is that I am so worried about my little baby. I think about all of the things that can go wrong and half the time I can’t sleep because I am afraid that its heart may not be beating or whatever else that can go wrong will. My husband isn’t worried at all so that is a comfort, can you imagine both of us freaking out about it. I know everything is fine and I am just practicing being a paranoid mom I am so grateful for this opportunity and I cannot wait to find out the sex. You better believe I’m gonna be buying tons of cute stuff! I am doing the gender reveal in the next two weeks so feel free to write your guesses below. Tyler and I think its going to be a boy!!!!

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Well most of you don’t know this about me and I have been really private about it because its a sensitive subject for me to talk about. But first the good news, I”M PREGNANT!!!!! It really is a miracle we got pregnant with our first time doing IUI (artificial insemination). In fact we had to cancel the process toward the end because things had gone wrong so we definitely weren’t expecting to get pregnant from it.

So here is the story, since I was young I have known that I have problems in the woman department, I have never been regular (which I had always loved) never had PMS, never had cramps and only actually had my period about 4 times a year. Since I was 16 I had been checked regularly and all the doctors said I looked good up there so I thought I was just enjoying the good life. Once I got married and we started trying to get pregnant, I realized there was more to the story than I had been told. After about 8 months of not getting pregnant, I started doing tests with the OBGYN. Things like my thyroid and a bunch of other things. It came to their attention that I may have a condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) basically it means you have tons of cysts hanging out in your ovaries and uterus. They put me on clomid (a pill that enduces ovulation) and sent me on my way. Well the problem with that was, everytime I took a ovulation test (and I tried 3 different kinds) it would come out positive. I thought I was always ovulating which made it even more frustrating that I wasn’t getting pregnant. Little did I know, one of the symptoms of PCOS is that your test always come out positive, therefore you have no idea when or if you are actually ovulating (don’t know why they never mentioned that). I can’t even tell you the tears I wept over this stuff, I knew in my heart it was going to be hard but I didn’t know how hopeless and ashamed I felt. I knew it was not my fault but it didn’t make me feel any less guilty inside about being the reason we couldn’t have kids. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want pity and I knew none of my close friends or family could relate to the situation so I just didn’t talk about it.

Finally I talked to my friend Jenica Parcell from A Slice of Style blog who had been going through the infertility journey for years (she is prego with twins now!) and she set me up with Dr. Faulk at Utah Fertility Clinic. After a month and a half I got in to see him. He immediately did a bunch more test and saw that I had over 40 cysts in my ovaries. He finally explained it in a way I could understand and gave me hope. Cysts are basically eggs that don’t get fertilized. Which basically meant I hadn’t ovulated for at least 40 months, which makes it impossible to get pregnant, so after we found that out, we began the IUI process. After a dye test we realized my right ovary was closed (more bad news) therefore cutting my chances in half. Through the process the only egg ready for fertilization was in my right ovary so we canceled the remainder of the procedure and just waited to start it all over. More tears and lots of money.

If you are trying to get pregnant you know how depressing it is to take a pregnancy test and it come out negative. I would cry every time and it would kind of ruin my day so my husband was hesitant when I told him I felt like I needed to take a test before we started again. He gave me all the reasons I shouldn’t, of course expecting it to be negative, after all there was no way we could get pregnant with an egg in a closed tube. But my mothers intuition told me to do it anyway and I did. I saw the plus sign and bawled my eyes out. I took another to be sure, and then I called the doctor for a blood test to be sure sure. It was positive! I really was pregnant! The nurse told me I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant from that and I was having a miracle baby. I am still nervous everyday that something will go wrong because some things don’t work out perfectly for everyone, and maybe thats what pregnant moms do best, but I am so overwhelmed and blessed by this special miracle God has given our family. Finally after a year and a half we have a little baby coming to us.

I know that many couples have it much much worse than us and my heart breaks for them but throughout this process I have seen myself become strong and patient to the ways of the Lord. I have been through many trials in my 29 years and I really was hoping I would be done (ya right) but I understand that life doesn’t work that way and some things are worth fighting for.

I will be updating the blog with deets on my pregnancy and of course how I am decorating the babies room once I figure out if its a boy or girl. I seriously can’t contain myself, I am sooo happy!

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Flume ~ Alice Kristiansen

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