Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (mormon) helped me get through a very difficult time at such a young age because of my faith and the help of those around me. This is a very personal topic but I feel like many friends and acquaintances are going through it right now and I thought I would share some advice coming from someone with experience.

DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK
Several years ago I was going through the shame, embarrassment and great trial of divorce. I felt like everyone was judging me and I had to explain myself to those around me. I thought if everyone only knew my situation, they would understand and maybe not judge me. It took me years to get over this but when I finally did I realized that I knew, and the Lord knew and that’s all who really mattered.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
Divorce is an easy way to learn about love and what it is. Some learn the kind of Love they want in a relationship, some learn the kind of Love they need to give, others learn the kind of Love they need to have for themselves and hopefully all learn the kind of Love that God has for all of his children.

In every relationship both parties make mistakes, some more than others but no one is perfect. The great thing is that if you look at your experience as an education, you will realize that everything that happened can make you a stronger, happier person.

FORGIVENESS CAN CHANGE THE WORLD
Forgiving the person that hurt you so deeply can be the hardest part. God said “I will forgive whom I will forgive, but you are required to forgive all.” You may be thinking “I want justice for the wrong they have done to me”, put it in the Lords hands and he will give you peace and the justice they deserve. The most important part is that you are free of the pain when you forgive and that person no longer has any part in your happiness. You will be able to move on with your life and be better to those around you. If you struggle with forgiving yourself, ask for forgiveness and peace and you will see the blessing that the Love from those around you gives. It will turn your pain to joy and your heart will be softened. You will know when you are forgiven because you have changed those things about you and have confidence to continue that change.

DONT BE A VICTIM
This is hard when technically in many cases you were the victim. The only problem is that you are putting yourself in a box with no opening and in the end, you have no where to go but in that box. You must understand that being the victim will only make you more of a victim. You will always attract situations or relationships that are harmful or hurtful to you. Gain confidence and courage to be more and try to discover your talents and gifts that direct you to take charge of your own life. You have the freedom to choose, one of our greatest blessings in this life.

FULFILL YOUR GOALS
The good thing about about a second chance, is a second chance. You have the opportunity to start over with your life, and get it right. You can change who you are and what you want in a way that will align you with a healthy happy lifestyle. It is scary to make big changes like your career or even behavioral changes but you have already been through something WAY harder so you know you can do it.

HAVE HOPE
Have hope for the future. Put the past in the past and live in the present. Life is so short in the scheme of things and you don’t have a day to waste being unhappy. I made it through the hard times and I know that anyone else can too if they have hope. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be ok in the end, if its not ok, its not the end.

Love,

Kirsten Elaine Kizerian

The post What I learned from my Divorce: A little advice from a mormon girl appeared first on Kirsten Kizerian - West End Girl.

What I have learned in my first year of marriage… well quite a lot actually. I was thinking how fast it went by and how much of a good thing that was to feel that way. In every marriage there will always be ups and downs and the things I have learned are what have helped me turn every down into an up.

1. Let it go. In the case of Frozen and the way too often quoted movie, the main lyrics “let it go” stand true. Letting the little things go like leaving doors and drawers open, and poking at food with his hands are such small things, just let it go. There are way more important things to nag your spouse about so let the little things go.

2. Have fun. Tyler and I work way too much and it really wares on our relationship as far as patience and quality time. We have learned that giving up some work time helps us enjoy each other and our life together. We went out and bought bikes so we would make time to have fun and ride around town. Not only has it helped us have happy time together, we have been able to get to know the neighbors and be more social in our community.

3. Balance. Along with the working too much, we have realized that our physical health as far as sleeping, eating and working out is hard to do. Making that a priority helps with our patience and attraction to each other as well as feeling good about ourselves. When I am happy he is happy. wink.

4. Give in a little. When it comes to style, we are usually on the same page but sometime we are polar opposites. At first I had a huge problem with this and our first fight was over home decor haha (which was so stupid). As I realized none of these things really mattered because we didn’t have a house that we were building nor did we have the money to build Versailles (which is what I wanted), I just agreed to disagree. No need to fight over the future when it hasn’t happened yet. Being willing to give in no matter who is right, will help your marriage be more open. Over the last year our style has almost perfectly aligned and I am more open to his suggestions. whew.

5. Be aware. I am oblivious, utterly oblivious to some things. Tyler is very sensitive to other peoples needs and sometimes when he needs me most I am living in Candy Land (if you know what I mean). He is always the first to notice if someone needs help or if I am down or upset. I am learning that the more I focus on his feelings the happier I am. The more I understand him and the better wife I feel like I am.

6. Be Clean. The biggest thing that can affect our day is if the house is clean. If I come home from a hard day of work and see crap everywhere, I am instantly impatient with whatever is going on. We have tried our best to stay clean so we can cook dinner and enjoy the rest of our night together.

7. Have faith. It will all work out in the end. It really will, no matter what the circumstance is with your marriage or your trial, it will always work out for the best in the end. Have faith in the future and in each other and their potential. Know that they can do it and be supportive of success.

8. It’s both of our responsibility. Yes gender roles are still in play in 2014 but for the most part things are very equal and that means we both cook dinner, do laundry and go grocery shopping. Since we both work full-time we share the home responsibilities. I am so grateful this has never been an issue because Tyler’s parents taught him well! I didn’t expect it and boy am I grateful he just does it.

9. Let them make the decision. Letting my husband make the decision whether it is big or small is a great thing in our marriage. Sometimes we tend to try and control our spouses decisions and sometimes we don’t even notice it. Although they ask your opinion, it is important that they know the final decision is theirs.

10. Say “I love you”. There was a time in my life where I never said those words to anyone, not even my family. Once I realized that any day could be the last, I wanted people to know how much I love them. I now say it a lot but never too much of course, wink. Saying “I love you” to your spouse is special and lets them know that no matter what, you are with them till the end. I love my husband so much and I am eternally grateful for him and the marriage he has given us. I hope this helps a little. Good luck newlyweds!

photography by Alixann Loosle

MUSIC INSPIRATION: Fairytale ~ Milky Chance

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